Even going into my doctor’s appointment with the knowledge that there was at least a 75% chance I had gluten intolerance did not make the diagnoses any less shocking. It is one thing to be told that you have to avoid certain foods because they might make you feel bad, but being told you have to eliminate something from your diet entirely because it is slowly (but surely) killing you is totally different. It kinda really hits you the wrong way.
I left the doctor’s office bewildered, nervous, and a little in denial. I was filled with questions and I was quite sad. I live in the south! In the south we love 3 things most of all: breaded fried food, desserts, and beer. How the hell am I supposed to survive is GEORGIA without these things? What will I eat? Nuts and seeds? That is like taking butter away from Paula Dean. Who the heck would do that? Nobody!! There might have even been tears to accompany these thoughts.
I stopped at the gas station on my way home to get something to drink… to wash the lump out of my throat and I saw it there… shining like a beacon of sinful temptation--cupcakes! In my fit of defiance I grabbed them up and rushed to the counter to pay for them; I had the look of pure evil in my eyes… I probably looked like a serial killer. As soon as I got in the car I devoured them before I even got out of the parking lot. Both of them GONE, in less than a minute and DAMN they were GOOD.
STUPIDIST THING EVER.
It took a little while for it to hit me, I was actually quite smug about it. An hour later I felt a little twinge of pain in my tummy, meh… cramps happen all the time. Three hours later it was like there was barbed wire being ripped through my entire digestive tract without mercy. I was doubled over in pain, crying and cussing those stupid cupcakes for teasing me. I thought that was going to be the end of it, but I was WRONG. The pain progressed throughout the day and I felt really stupid up until I fell asleep that night. I fell asleep with the hope that my chocolaty indiscretions would be yesterday’s problem when the sun came up—wrong about that too. While I did not have any gastrointestinal pain today I was riddled by an array of other problems; headaches, achy joints, nausea, fatigue, and irritability to just name a few.
The most perplexing part of this whole expedience was that prior to my doctor’s appointment I had been on a gluten free diet by choice, because it made me feel better. I had walked by those same cupcakes earlier that morning and never even thought about them. It took someone telling me that I CAN’T have them to make me want them. Sometimes I am a rebellious idiot. I would love to say that I have learned my lesson but nobody has stuck a cheesecake in front of me yet—so I don’t know if I am done yet.